One Person, Two States: Swinging Between Grandiosity and Vulnerability
Author: The Narcis editorial team · updated: August 2026
Clinical review: a practising psychotherapist
Sometimes it feels as if we are describing two different people. Yesterday he was confident, condescending, and eager to tell everyone how to live. Today, after criticism, he is at home avoiding everyone and convinced he has been humiliated. This does not necessarily mean that a “mask fell off.” Contemporary models allow grandiose and vulnerable states to fluctuate within the same person.
Where the psychological loop begins
Grandiosity can stabilize the self through the logic “I am better, therefore I am okay.” Vulnerability appears when that solution fails: someone rejects, surpasses, criticizes, or simply fails to admire the person. Instead of stable self-worth, shame, envy, rage, emptiness, or withdrawal may emerge.
A familiar situation. Oleh gives a brilliant lecture and leaves the applause feeling almost invulnerable. Over coffee, a friend calmly says one joke was hurtful. Ten minutes later Oleh is either explaining that the friend has “no sense of humor” or sitting in silence convinced that everyone secretly despises him. Daily-life studies do show movement between grandiose and vulnerable states in some people, but not in a single universal pattern—an important correction to the cliché that every grandiose person simply hides a fragile child.
Example: a man spends a date describing his achievements and mocking “average people.” His partner does not answer for a few hours, and he becomes certain he has been devalued. First comes a cold “I don’t care,” then angry messages, and by evening the belief that nobody wants him. These are different states within one self-esteem system—not three separate personalities.
For partners and family, these swings can be exhausting: one is expected to admire, soothe, and absorb anger in turn. Understanding the pattern does not excuse harmful behavior. Vulnerability does not make humiliation, coercion, or abuse acceptable.
For clinicians, the transitions are highly informative: What triggered the shift? Which emotion came first? How does the person try to restore self-esteem? These questions are often more useful than permanently classifying someone as either “grandiose” or “covert.”
Research nuance. Intensive daily-life studies do find meaningful fluctuations in narcissistic states. Yet dispositionally vulnerable people tend to remain mostly vulnerable rather than routinely shifting into high grandiosity.
How this looks outside theory
After a brilliant lecture, Oleh feels almost invulnerable. At a café a friend says one joke was hurtful, and within minutes Oleh moves from “everyone loves me” to “nobody appreciates me.” That swing illustrates why grandiosity and vulnerability can coexist in the same person.
When similar behavior means something else
Internet terms can help people describe experience, but not all are established scientific constructs. Here, ask whether a term is a formal diagnosis, a research construct, a clinical metaphor, or a popular label. That distinction protects against false precision.
What therapy works with here
When working with this topic, therapists also need to monitor their own reactions. Admiration, the urge to humiliate, prove a point, or rescue can become part of the interpersonal field. Supervision helps prevent a counter-narcissistic response — turning therapy into a contest over who is smarter.
Four questions instead of a quick conclusion
Instead of applying the label “narcissist,” build a pattern. Does the behavior described here persist across relationships and years, or appear mainly in one conflict? What happens under criticism, refusal, another person’s success, and the need to consider someone else? What is the actual impact on work, intimacy, and responsibility? What alternatives remain possible — anxiety, depression, trauma, another personality style, or simply harmful behavior? For loved ones, the most practical questions are usually not diagnostic but about boundaries, safety, and whether the person can take responsibility for consequences.
Books and sources
• Elsa Ronningstam (ed.) — Narcissistic Personality Disorder
• W. Keith Campbell, Carolyn Crist — The New Science of Narcissism
If this topic resonated — you do not have to sit with it alone.
Find a therapist for this topic →This article is for information only and is not a substitute for an individual consultation with a specialist.